Me...afraid of changing...

2:59:00 AM

I have troubles of sleeping this few days. I don't know why I suddenly have insomnia. When I was a child, I have this kind of things, when I feared of something. Well, the only one who can calm me down was my father. He's so patient and talk to me like face to face in my bed, or he would told me a story, he would read something for me, patiently until I was tired and fall asleep. And now, I live alone, and this few days when I can't sleep, I don't have anyone to calm me down. Kinda sad, right?
I don't know, I feel like I afraid of something. Well, I guess it is because I have to move out to a new place. I will go to somewhere I never been there before, and suddenly live there. I feel terrible...I realize that my life will change no matter what and no matter where I live. It's just the matter of time till I should change again. I know that change is not something you can deny, instead you should do it to get a better life. But, still it freak me out. I afraid of changing...There are so many 'what if' ideas come to me...

"What if I don't belong there?"
"What if I can't be good enough?"
"What if I grow apart from my friends?"
"What if........."

I will call myself a coward if I can't get over this. You know, this night I don't feel really well, and so tired and sleepy, so I try to sleep early, but then I was dreaming about the place I will live at, that I don't get it yet, and the due date is coming soon. I'm afraid.........
My mom once said, to get something better, sometimes we should sacrifice something. I realize now, to go to my dream job, my dreams, my life goals, the first thing I must give up is my comfort zone. A place where I think I can spent my entire life in. Somewhere I think my whole beauty-yet-sad memories stay in. I should not be a coward and stop afraid of things that can bring me happiness, right? I will straighten up mind for my goals. I am sacrificing something to be one step closer to my goals, right? Cheer up, Fldz!!

BTW, this post kinda talk about anything.......purely my mind when I can't go to sleep in the Monday 3 a.m. I hope whatever step I take, it is the best for me...

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